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Your announcers for the evening are Josh Matthews and Ernest Miller
Opening Match: Brian Danielson vs. John Cena
Lock-up to start. Cena works the arm-bar though Danielson reverses it. They break and Danielson hits a drop-toe-hold, works the arm bar then connects with an armdrag. Danielson goes to work on Cena’s wrist with the wristlock which Cena reverses. They go into a test of strength and Cena pushes Danielson over and pins him for a count of 1 before Danielson bridges out. Cena tries to break the bridge by jumping on him with his knees but Danielson monkey flips Cena. Cena with a big clothesline and a whip to the corner. Irish whip to the ropes and an elbow for two for Cena. John Cena works the bearhug until Danielson turns it around into an enzugiri and a mule kick to the gut. A big forearm then an irish whip followed by a knee to the gut for two. Whip to the corner by Danielson but Cena puts his boot and promptly picks him up for a sideslam, spins him around and slams him for the pin at 3:49. Nothing match. ¼* WATCH OUT BROCK!
2nd Match: Nunzio vs. Funaki
Josh mentions that maybe Nunzio was sent by Noble to attack Funaki after Funaki hit on Nidia last week. This is funny considering that Nunzio and Noble haven’t been mentioned together at all over the last few weeks on Smackdown and not mentioned at all as part of the group Nunzio claimed to be running in on Smackdown. They start with the cruiserweight reversal stuff leading up to Funaki getting a headlock. Whip to the ropes and a shoulderblock by Funaki. Nunzio hits a bodyslam and Funaki comes right back with an armdrag then goes into the Armbar. Funaki misses a dropkick but Nunzio couldn’t take advantage of the situation as he gets armdragged. Funaki tries to send Nunzio to the corner but is reversed. Funaki jumps on the second rope and tries to hit a crossbody on Nunzio but is met with a dropkick to the gut. Nunzio plasters Funakis face into the mat then goes for a bow and arrow. Funaki reverses it into a cover for two. Funaki schoolboys Nunzio for two then hits a backslide for two. Nunzio regains control with an elbow and then a headlock. Funaki fights out of it and hits an enzugiri and a front bulldog for two. A dropkick to the face by Funaki also garners a two count. Nunzio sends Funaki to the corner but is met with a boot to the face. Funaki goes for the Rising Sun (tornado DDT from the second rope) but Nunzio reverses it into the Arrivederci for the pin at 4:40. Pretty boring match from these two. ½*
-Recap of Angle/Benoit from Smackdown
-Recap of Brian Kendrick streaking on Smackdown
3rd Match: Bill Demott vs. Phil Brown
Lock-Up to start and DeMott knocks him over. He pounds on Phil with his usual shitty offense. He gets a big splash on poor old Phil on the corner but Phil fights back with some JOBBER OFFENSE! DeMott clotheslines him about 20 seconds later and hits him with a powerbomb for the pin at 1:46. DUD. After the match DeMott powerbombs Phil again. WHAT A HEEL!
-Recap of Rock’s Interview and Rock/Hogan’s interview
-Recap of A-Train injuring Rey Misterio
4th Match: A-Train vs. Edge
Just think, Matt Hardy could’ve been in this spot. Well, Vince knows what I want to see! Josh of course hypes this match as being one of the most prolific on Velocity’s illustrious history. I tend to disagree but what can you do? Lock-Up to start and they head to the corner but it’s a clean break by A-Train. We do the same but this time A-Train goes for a big right… and misses! Edge fires back with his own right hands but is nonchalantly knocked over by A-Train. A-Train hits two BIG HAIRY CLOTHESLINES but misses the HAIRY SPLASH and Edge works on A-Train’s ribs. A-Train misses a charge to the corner and Edge hits a shoulderblock and a dropkick to the knees. A-Train hits the C-Line on E-Train and the crowd starts up the shave your back chant. A-Train does what any man would do when they are told to shave their back by rubbing Edge’s face into his chest-fur. A-Train hits a backbreaker followed by an elbow and forearm to the back. Abdominal stretch is applied but Edge will just not submit. He picks up Edge for a backbreaker and goes right into the Abdominal stretch again. Edge still won’t submit. He tries for the backbreaker again but Edge reverses to a schoolboy for two. That’s all the offense Edge will be getting for now and Albert pounds him into the ground and then slaps on the HAIRY BEARHUG! He turns Edge around and applies a reverse bearhug of sorts but Edge hits a chinbreaker. He tries to clothesline A-Train to the ground but A-Train is just too hairy! Edge whips off the ropes, ducks a clothesline and hits a flying forearm. A-Train whips Edge off the ropes and goes for a gorilla press but Edge reverses it into the Edge-O-Matic for two. Edge goes for the Edge-O-Cution but A-Train pushes him into the corner. A-Train goes to the Train Wreck but Edge dropkicks A-Train. Edge misses a spear into the corner and A-Train splashes Edge followed by a short-arm clothesline but hits Edge’s knees on a drop from the second rope. Spear by Edge for the pin at 6:35. *1/2
Overall Review
Well, the show was watchable which I guess is all you should expect from a glorified recap show. No real stand-out matches so if you didn’t see it you didn’t miss much.
Velocity Rundown
1) John Cena vs. Brian Danielson (1/4*)
2) Funaki vs. Nunzio (1/2*)
3) Bill DeMott vs. Phil Brown (DUD)
4) A-Train vs. Edge (*1/2)
Overall Smackdown Rating:
Match Rating: (.25+.5+1.5+0)/4 = 2.25/4 = .5625
Interview/Backstage Segments Rating: = 1.5
Overall Enjoyment: 1.25
FINAL VELOCITY RATING: = 1.104
5.0 = Perfect: Highest Recommendation Ever
4.1-4.9 = Near Perfect: Highly Recommended
3.1-4.0 = Perfectly Acceptable Show: Recommended
2.5-3.0 = Some flaws but overall it’s good: Mildly Recommended
2.0-2.4 = More flaws than above: Middling, thumbs in the middle
1.1-1.9 = Bad show, few redeeming qualities: Recommendation to Avoid
0.1-1.0 = Horrible, don’t watch. Strong Recommendation to Avoid
0.0 = WORST, EPISODE, EVER
Final Rating: 1.104
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