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Note: This was written on 8/26, but was not put up.. we now know that Tito was not shown on WWF's Summerslam, though the real reason he may not post a column this week is not because of "moving" it's because he was severely injured.
Enjoy-
Otis Titrm
STOP THE PRESSES! I have just heard from a reliable source the biggest surprise for this weeks WWF Summerslam! No it's not about any belt changes, or the appearence of any old WCW or ECW wrestlers, no this is a surprise that far exceeds that. It is the announcement of the LoP staff vs Mr. Tito. After Mick Foley witenessed the LoP gang helping hand Tito a keg of whoop ass on Raw, he decided to sign a match between the two. All LoP writers will be able to participate in the first ever "Beat him till he's near dead" match. I also happen to know, this event will not take place live on Summerslam as it will be far too violent. In fact, it was taped exclusively in front of a crowd the size of a WCW house crowd (about 1,000.) Here's a brief rundown of what happened.
Tito limps out, with his arm in a sling , and a battered face. He hobbles to the ring and gets the mic from some guy sitting at ring side. Tito then proceeds to talk for 10 minutes saying he doesn't deserve this, how he doesn't know why people hate him etc. All of a sudden, The Patriots music goes off and out walks Steve of Olympicslam.. Steve vs Tito frame.
Steve: Tito, I have a question you hypocritical piece of shit. You always write in that piece of shit column of yours how you hate WWF's long interviews as it takes away from the show. Well dumbass, you've been on the mic for 10 minutes now, doing exactly what you complain about.
Tito: No it's different, I , I am not wasting aby time or cutting long boring promos.
Steve: Then how come half the people left midway through the interview and the rest are asleep?
Tito: Well, smartass, I am trying to explain to the people why I'm here. I need time to do that to set up my angle.
Steve: Don't ever call me smartass again or I'll go in there and fucking wreck you. Now what you said, you've caught yourself on a trap you WCW mark. You have said that you need time to set up the angle WHICH THE WWF DOES! AND WCW DOESN'T THAT'S WHY THEY'VE LOST TO THE WWF IN RATINGS 89 WEEKS IN A ROW! TAKE THAT SHITBALL!!
(Steve drops mic and runs into the ring and proceeds to beat the shit out of Tito, LoP then runs in and joins in all the reindeer games)
---45 Minutes later----
Steve: Well LoP guys, Tito was knocked out 3 minutes into the bout, but I guess we had to beat him down for another 40 minutes. HAHAHAHA!!!
And that's what happened. I don't know if they can show that on Summerslam due to Tito having limbs removed from his body, but it was a gruesome match.
Have Fun masturbating to Booker T Tito!!
O Titrm
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