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First, let me say that I read some other guy's Monday Night Impressions just now, and I felt I must make fun of him right here. So let the mockery begin!
As usual, I start off with the far superior WCW. (Wait, that's him.) Anyway, I am a huge fan of WCW and I like them far more than the WWF, though I always deny it. I will cover that by saying that WCW's main event sucked (though personally, I couldn't be able to tell if any WCW match was actually good.) I will also say that Ted Turner is my God, as I will always be a WCW mark, but will deny it. Actually, I have to stop making fun of him here because I don't give two sh*** about WCW and only read the first line and saw the grade. But anyway, he graded it a B, despite saying the main event sucked and putting the show down for probably 3 paragraphs.
On to the big show, the WWF. First I will do what I always do and complain of WWF's staleness. Oh no! Another Rock/HHH match, another match between Trish and Lita, another column that licks a llamas anus! Well, stop complaining you ignoramus. The fans enjoyed the match! And, you didn't even mention the match in your waste-o-time column. In fact, you said you liked Raw, which is strange, though inexplicably you graded Nitro higher. Now please tell us again you are not a WCW mark. Also about your lousy column, you mentioned a day before in "WCW-country" WWF had trouble selling 25,000 SEATS!!! OH NO!! Well, in the same website that houses your column, it was said that WCW's attendance was estimated at 3,200, yes 3,200. THE CAROLINA HURRICANES AVERAGE MORE PEOPLE PER GAME THAN THAT WCW SHOW!!! Considering WWF got at least 20k people in there, that is almost 7 times the attendance of WCW. Oh, you so cleverly didn't put that in your column. Also, as educated people do and you probably don't, I read the paper today and an esteemed sportswriter said the Monday Night Football telecast started at 7:00 which means that the RATINGS DON'T MEAN ANYTHING TO ABC. Is this another way you will say the WCW ratings are poor? I bet it will be.
In my grade book, I'd give WCW a 72.3, they tried, I'll give them that, but I will now complain about the Rock, I mean Booker T always fighting the I-was-a-midcarder-in-the-WWF-but-now-a-WCW-champ JJ for about the 33rd time. THe Raw kicked major ass, and I'll agree with the Mandible Column guy who gave them a 90. Okay, I will make fun of your column tomorrow too.
O Titrm
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